Eyes Wide Shut

Ever since I found out I was pregnant I knew there were certain things I’d have to give up to make way for having a new person in my life. One of those things was getting in 8-hour snooze fests. I’ve always been used to sleeping late, like past midnight, on a daily basis. But the moment Raine came even that went out the window.

I knew that I wanted to breastfeed Raine for at least 6 months. That meant getting up at odd hours of the night to get her from the crib and nurse her. I was like a zombie for the first month of her life. Raine cried for milk almost every hour on the hour. I hardly got any sleep then. As the months passed though and my milk supply increased, the 1 hour turned to 2 and then 3 and then 4. At last, I could sleep for 4 hour stretches, right? But I had gone back to work and to keep her supply up, I would still get up every 2-3 hours to pump in between baby Raine’s feedings. It was so tempting to take the easy way out and just give her formula then but I wanted to stick to the 6 month period I’d originally set. If I hadn’t gotten sick and had to take a heavy dose of antibiotics Raine would probably have been breastfed longer.

Raine’s sleeping habits gradually changed. Soon she only woke up twice every night to ask for milk. Hubby and I would take turns getting milk for her. Although most of the time I was the one who got up, for some reason I’ve become a light sleeper since I gave birth and have been really sensitive to Raine’s cries. I even hear her turn over in her crib. Needless to say I haven’t had uninterrupted sleep since I gave birth.

My officemates and I went to Boracay for 3 days and 2 nights when Raine was 8 months old. I almost didn’t go because I felt guilty leaving my baby behind. But honestly, I was also looking forward to the 2 nights of undisturbed sleep. Unfortunately, my roommate got drunk and although she passed out at about 2am I couldn’t sleep soundly lest she wake up in the middle of the night to throw up or something. Our second night in Boracay, we stayed up until 4am but although this time my roommate didn’t get drunk I still couldn’t sleep well because I missed Raine. It was my first time to be away from her ever and it was an unsettling feeling.

Today, Raine is 15 months old and she usually only cries for milk once at night. I still get up to give her some. It might be quite awhile until I’m able to sleep for 8 hours straight again, but watching my baby sleep peacefully with a smile on her rosy cheeks gives me enough energy to last me thru the night.